Dear reader, I want to share with you my experience of the doctoral adventure. I hope that for at least some of you who dare to set out on this path, it will be an encouragement and a motivation. In any case, I want you to know throughout your life that: „It's your way, and yours alone, other may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.“
Written by: Aida Branković
I finished the First Gymnasium in Sarajevo and the Secondary Music School. My two great loves were, and remain, music and astrophysics. In the end, I studied neither, for various reasons.
At the urging of my late secondary school physics teacher, and given my inclination towards mathematics and especially physics, I enrolled at the Faculty of Electrical Engineering (ETF) in Sarajevo, Department of Automatic Control and Electronics. The degree hardly interested me; there were only a few courses that genuinely interested me, and this became more pronounced as the studies progressed, so I could hardly wait to finish. I found a job immediately after graduating. But after a month of work I was certain that a classic engineering job was not for me, because it gave me no satisfaction whatsoever. I realised it was time to go in search of myself and find something that fulfilled me, because only in that way could I give my best. An intense period of searching for my lost self followed. There was a lot of wandering, to the point that, given my strong inclination towards art, I tried to find a way to enrol in applied arts, in a department focused on costume design, but I kept hitting a wall because of my background.
So once, while thinking things over, I asked my mum: „What did I want to be when I grew up?“ She answered briefly: „A scientist.“
After that answer, I decided to find my path and become a scientist. Astronomy was out, because it meant literally starting from scratch. I began looking for something as close as possible to physics, and that is how I discovered that there is a field called quantum control. I got in touch with a professor at TU Berlin. To increase my chances and show my enthusiasm and motivation, I told the professor that I was coming as a tourist and that, if possible, I would like to visit the faculty to meet him and talk in a little more detail about his work. And so it was. During our conversation he told me that he had a potential project and, if he got the grant, he would be willing to accept me as a doctoral student. This was wonderful to hear. But, aware that it might fall through, I suggested that we also make a backup plan and that I apply for a DAAD scholarship, which he accepted. He even offered to write the research proposal himself (which was one of the items required for the application). At the company where I worked, I was made to choose between resigning (if I wanted them to issue a certificate confirming that I was an employee; also an item in the application) and extending my contract. Without a moment's hesitation I chose the former.
The day before the application deadline, the professor from Berlin contacted me and said he had not managed to write the proposal. At that moment a tornado broke loose inside me. But I told myself: „ You fight to the end“. I went home from work and sat down to write the proposal myself, guided by what I had read so far, the notes I had made and what I had discussed with him. I submitted the application, fully aware that the proposal had many shortcomings. I expected the results in six months. After resigning, I went to my faculty and asked whether I could, if nothing else, at least volunteer in teaching the courses I had been very good at. I could not volunteer because of the law, but, as luck would have it, I got the chance to work under contract, because a colleague was just then going on maternity leave. Soon I received word that the professor from Berlin could not take me on, because the grant had not been awarded in his name. But there was still the DAAD option. In the meantime I looked for other options and, in a conversation with a colleague, was advised to look for something I had studied during my degree, because only then would I have a decent chance of finding a doctoral position. I took the advice, became increasingly aware that this was indeed the case, and started looking for positions within my area of interest. I contacted professors whose research fields matched my interests and also applied directly for open positions. An endless number of unanswered emails, a few negative replies, waiting for answers about open positions... Self-confidence low, occasional hopelessness... But I did not give up. In the meantime I also received the answer from DAAD: I had not been awarded the scholarship.
It was July 2013 when I received the reply that I had been accepted at Politecnico di Milano with a scholarship. I read the email several times and could not believe that it was really true, that I was not dreaming. In September I left for Milan.
That is where a new struggle began. In general, I am of the opinion that every doctoral student has their own specific and usually far from smooth path to the goal. I worked in a large team with a well-known professor in the field. He had no time for students; that role was taken over by his postdocs. I worked a lot; holidays or free weekends did not exist, because I was working on industry-related projects with tight deadlines. After the first year I spoke with the professor and asked to work on something more oriented towards science than towards the application itself. But this kept being postponed. I formally had a doctoral topic, defined in passing, and the projects I worked on were thematically unrelated. The low point of it all was that for eight months I did not have the experimental data that the company we were working for was supposed to provide. In the end, I collected the data myself. Meanwhile, my supervisor expressed dissatisfaction and even suggested that I leave the doctoral programme, for reasons that were unknown to me at the time. But I became increasingly aware that I needed to change my working environment, because I began to see that my success also depended on the environment I worked in and on the support of colleagues and, above all, of my supervisor. I realised that unless I did something drastic, I really would be forced to give up. I decided on a bold and risky move: changing supervisor. Changing supervisor was legally possible, but my situation was awkward because I was at the end of the second year of my doctoral studies. There was also little chance that someone else from the same department would accept me. On top of that, if the change were approved, I would be starting my research from scratch. I would have a deadline of not four years (as is normally the case) but two to make a scientific contribution (assessed through scientific papers) and earn the right to defend my doctoral thesis. I decided to take the risk.
I was lucky enough to find a supervisor, I obtained approval for the change of supervisor, and I started a new topic, which I presented two months later at the annual committee review and which the committee ultimately approved. I worked day and night, but I knew what I was working for and why I was doing it. I was doing what I love and what I had fought for. There was a lot of pressure and the question: „Will I make it?“ I decided not to ask myself, but to give my best every day and to measure success on a daily basis. I considered it a success when I went to bed in the evening satisfied with what I had done that day. I made it. Two months ago I obtained my doctorate. Today I work at the faculty as a researcher. At the same faculty where my first supervisor discouraged me. In the end, we all have a talent and a gift for something; we just need to discover and develop it.
Ahead of me is a new goal and who knows what kind of path. The end of one path is the beginning of a new one, and all of life is like that. I consider the path of a doctoral student a great life lesson and something that has shaped me as a person and taught me that „Impossible means I'm possible“. What gave me strength the whole time was a clear goal. I can tell you with certainty that money, fame, reputation and prestige are not strong enough motives or goals. I can also tell you with certainty that good has the final word. This is my path; do not attach yourselves to it, because your own path, and yours alone, awaits you. What I have told you has only one purpose: to prepare you to be ready to fight with all your being for what you want, and to give you the motivation to keep fighting when you begin to falter.
Good luck!
Taken from stipendije.ba.
